I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is wine microwaveable?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
