forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
