that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
