What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
