onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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