ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
two words...techno handjob
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize