i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
