mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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