If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
