u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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