For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Still dying that you shit outside
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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