Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
