Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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