I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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