STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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