I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
