She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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