its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
