I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
