:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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