i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
