I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
