I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
