I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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