OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
