census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
