I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
