just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
