thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
