chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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