Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
