Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
