You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
