I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
