u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
