There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
