How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
