we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
