How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
