I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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