I would go down on you faster than GM stock
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
