He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize