I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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