The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
