Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
