You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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