He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
