True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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