Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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