i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
