Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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