i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
