Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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