Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
