how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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