I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dignity is for republicans.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
