i already hear my dad disowning me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dignity is for republicans.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize