One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
