you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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