i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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