I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
