There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
