You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
