nut hugger
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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