You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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