I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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