How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize