My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
