He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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