is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
