TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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