i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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