Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
