i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
