I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
