Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
