He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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