We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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